The truth is, you and everyone else have the same thing going on, to one degree or another. Everybody experiences a lack of confidence at some time in their life. The good news in today’s blog is that with the right approach, you can overcome this.
So, I want to give you some suggestions to improve your self-confidence, in any situation, at any time, beginning right now. As an NLP guy, I know these techniques will help you to rapidly make positive, long lasting changes to the way you approach situations in which you feel disempowered and unconfident.
A key point of all coaching and of life success in general, is to have a crystal clear picture of where you are heading. It’s not enough to simply say, “I want to be more confident.” What does this really mean? Sit down and write out your definition of “confident.” What are the characteristics? What does the picture look like, feel like, sound like? Just by writing it down you’ve made a huge jump in your ability to actually achieve what you want to accomplish.
Do you know anyone who already meets your “confidence criteria”? A key idea of NLP (neurolinguistic programming) is that by modeling someone who is already producing the results you want to achieve, you can move much more quickly than if you were trying to invent it on your own. Who is your confidence role model? What beliefs do they have about themselves that make them exude confidence? How do they speak? How do they carry themselves? Because beliefs lead to actions, modeling their positive belief systems, will lead you to reproducing similar results.
Next, look at the list you developed and pick out 2-3 characteristics that you currently do not possess but feel would make the most impact on your level of self-confidence when you do have them. Now, start acting “as if” you already possessed these! Don’t know how you’d approach a certain situation? That’s fine. How would you approach it “if you were confident?” Then, simply do it! Try it out and make a game of it!
It helps to have a certain level of self-awareness as you face a situation in which you don’t feel very confident. In that moment, what are you focusing on? Chances are that your thoughts, emotions, and physiology are very negative. If these are sapping your energy sapping, obviously, it doesn’t help to bolster your self-confidence! The solution is to change your thinking. Call to mind anything that fills you up with positive energy. Picture your role model and imagine how they would handle this very same situation. Then, step into it with the same energy and approach that you would expect your role model to exhibit. Remember, if anyone can do it, everyone can do it—and this includes you!
So then, in the moment that challenges your self-confidence, take stock of your posture. Your body knows how to “do” unconfident—slouching, rounded shoulders, eyes down, etc. When you stand up straight and tall, take a deep breath and smile, your confidence level will instantly rise. As you begin to speak, think about the words coming out of your mouth. Are they negative? If so, stop and change your vocabulary to you use words that are positive, uplifting, inspiring.
It helps to re-program your subconscious mind by using visualization and affirmations. Successful people in all walks of life know the value of seeing yourself as person you want to be. Good golfers play every shot in their heads before they take back the club. Good public speakers see themselves giving the greatest talk of their lives before they ever go on stage. So, before you do something that you feel you don’t have the confidence to do, run through in your head how your confidence role model would act in this situation. Then, re-run the scene, but instead see yourself doing everything that your role model would do. There is a great saying, “If the mind can conceive it, and can believe it, you can achieve it.”
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Dr. Steve Stutz, CC is a Life Success Coach, specializing in helping clergy and professional church workers not only survive but to thrive during periods of crisis, transition, and renewal. To receive periodic personal development tips and success mindset articles, please join his e-list by visiting www.forwardpathcoaching.com